special chump, special place +

Every so often, the caregiving gets to me. Like last night, when I sent the following message to my sisters:

Slice of (my) life

The old man and I ate out at a Thai place in downtown Skokie.

Then I took him to the library and picked out 12 books for him. He'll probably ask tomorrow when we are going to the library.

He had his ice cream a little after 8pm, after I delayed him for about 15 minutes (so he wouldn't be asking for ice cream again after he had some already).

Afterwards, I supervised him brushing his teeth with an electric toothbrush. (The dentist wants him to do it twice a day. He only does it when I'm here, because it's too complicated.) I first have him remove his bridge and rinse it off. Then I put toothpaste on the brush, tell him to put it in his mouth, close his mouth around the brush, and do all surfaces. And I bend him over so that when the toothpaste falls off, it doesn't land on his clothes. I stop and add toothpaste a few times. I remind him to do the top and the bottom, the front and the back, the left and the right sides. Then I brush the remaining scum off the bridge and give it to him to put back in his mouth. Sometimes he forgets how, so I do it.

[One paragraph omitted.]

Now he'll alternate between reading and watching TV until I give him his four pre-bedtime pills. After he goes to sleep, I'll restock the pill dispenser for Iwona to use for the next few days, and I'll reorder a prescription that I'll pick up on Friday morning after I drop him off for exercise.

Tomorrow I'll drive him to exercise in the morning. (I already called today for his ride home tomorrow.) I haven't decided if, before it's time to take him, I'll go to the gym myself to do some cardio (I had a training session this morning, but the traffic was so bad that I was late and didn't have time for cardio) or go to Jewel to buy a few things to fill the gaps in the refrigerator.

At lunchtime tomorrow, I'll deposit his monthly checks at the bank and then withdraw most of the deposit in cash, to cover the "payroll" for the next two weeks. I'll use my own money for the rest of the month. (I'll pay myself back eventually.)

I'm considering going straight home after work tomorrow. I feel guilty about it, but I guess I should do it once a week. It's nice to get home by 6:30pm once in a while, although there's a Cubs night game, so it may take longer than that. Then I won't be back here until after work Thursday, when I will stay over for Iwona's next night off.

I'm sorry you have to read this. (Well, you don't have to.) You help me by me writing this and sending it to you, whether you read it or not.

* * *

I got this response this morning from one sister:

I am serious when i say this.( do I sound at all like the old man?) there must be a special place in heaven for
people who are caregivers in this way.
please dont feel guilty about taking time for yourself. you are so csreful about what you do, you
have already decided it is ok.
i dont know if you would be interested, this sounds like the beginning of a blog. maybe there is such a place on-line. i will check into it.

* * *

I got this from the other sister this evening:

Thank you for painting such a vivid picture. Daddy is incredibly lucky that you take such good care of him.

I’m glad you give yourself an evening off. You shouldn’t feel guilty about it. You have to have some time for you to blow off steam and do what you want to do.

* * *

I don't know what kind of reaction I was hoping for or expecting. I didn't want to be told to hire more help; I wouldn't feel better if I could spend more time at home watching TV while feeling guilty. I wasn't expecting a suggestion that I start a blog.

It's nice that they took the message in stride, as there was a definite passive-aggressive element in it (in case you didn't notice).

In any event, I felt better after I sent it, and today I'm seeing things more in perspective.

This too shall pass.

-- 1360